Update No. 1

I didn't do much today. Me and my friends were going to go for pedicures but three of us got sick so we didn't even bother.  That was a bummer.

I fell asleep for half of the afternoon and woke up really angry. I yelled at my mom and slammed my door. Then I went and moped on my floor while I hacked away at the under side of my upper arm.  It still really hurts. It looks so brutal, which is what I always long for, but somehow it just still isn't fulfilling at all. I cut my upper arm so that t-shirts hide it. My whole left arm is covered in cuts which is really awkward. As I have said, I really can't hide it. It's so awkward because people see it but don't say anything.  My big brother just told me that he knew I was suicidal and he knew I started cutting again, but never said a thing. Nothing's a secret, it's kind of terrible.

*Sigh*
I really don't want to stop cutting because for some reason I love it. I like the hurt. . .  It's not the same as it used to be, though.  It used to consume me and I loved, with this wickedness in me, ever slice I made in my skin.  Now-a-days it is hard to bring myself to do it.  Yet it's hard to let go of. I suppose I feel like it makes me who I am, and if I were to let it go that I wouldn't be anyone.  I feel like emo is the only place I fit. No one else understands me, so in my down time I'm an "emo kid," just for the sake of it- so that I don't go insane and feel too alone.


Honestly guys, if there is someone you can go to in person, or a way you can feel alright without being "emo" or a cutter, DO IT! Do not cut yourself. It has ruined my life in so many ways.  And do not make yourself feel alone.  Go to someone. You don't even have to talk about cutting or depression; just talk. Be a kid, and do it for the kids - always.   God is always here. Draw near to Him and love Him. He makes you feel alright! ^_^ You just gotta go to Him with a whole heart.

Helpful/Encouraging/Boss verses 

Love,
 Carousel <3