When people talk about depression and such, they tell you to keep fighting, to fight. But when I think about fighting hard, I think of excessive cutting and starving myself. That's not what they mean, but fighting to stop those things still seems weak to me. . .
I don't know how to fight right now. . .
Life is pointless. I am pointless right now.
I was thinking the other day, what if I suddenly got cancer and was about to die? I would have so many regrets. I would look back at my life and realize how ineffective I have been - how much I just sat around waiting for things to get better. How much I could have done, but didn't. I would remember all the times I could have been nice to someone but instead I snapped at them. I sat around waiting for purpose and not living. . . I would realize how I didn't really live for God with all my heart. I would feel terrible...
Maybe this means that I should get up and freakin' live, now, before it's too late. But I don't know how to fight. I don't now where to go from here.
How do I fight?
Key to fighting, get rid of the source. When I was addicted really badly to pornography, I stopped using my phone, and if I could've I would've thrown it away, but I can't do that with my phone. If I were you, I would throw away my knife, and go for a walk.
ReplyDeleteGood advice. There is always other sharp things sadly though... I'm just afraid if I threw it away or got rid of it, that I would start banging my head or hitting myself again. :/ . . . But! Running is good for me. When I want to cut nowadays I just go run and then I usually pray when I run, and by the time I get back I feel like reading my Bible and then it's all good.
DeleteI want to do a series of posts which will last two weeks and they will be from this book I have. It'll be about putting on the armor of God.