A Thread

Here's how it feels:

I used to be great.
Life used to be great.
Life used to have a very hopeful undertone.
I'm no longer great.
Life is no longer great.
My hope has turned to doubt.
So why is it "worth it"?
And what am I holding on for?
It makes sense to die.
Why doesn't everybody want to just die?
I'm full of shame.
Full of fear.
Full of regret and anger.
Resentment.
I resent life and living.
It seems time to die.
But a thread is keeping me from hanging myself.
What is that thread?
I want it to become a platform to stand on,
or I want to cut it and sever the grasp it has on me so I can feel only certainty,
certainty that it is time to die.
I want to be done.
I don't like this.
I want to kill myself.

But that thread is worth looking into.
It will become a platform.
The thread hasn't let go.
I'm being held up.
kept afloat.

Girl, go search after what that thread is.
Girl, this is the meaning of life.
Girl, you won't regret this.
Find that one thread.
Make it your life.
Because nothing else is worth living for.

And it is much much more than just a thread.
It is the tallest mountain, the deepest ocean
The biggest hug, the softest heart
It is a platform on which to stand.
And much more than that, too....

Go find out for yourself.
Seek this one thing that is keeping you going.

What else do you have to loose, right?